i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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