She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
