It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
