Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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