genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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