i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
