it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
