I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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