i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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