I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize