The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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