Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this beer tastes like vomit already
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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