either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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