you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
