see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
