My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
