She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
