I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
