Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
