A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
