Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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