i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
