You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
