We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
