i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
