Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
