I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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