Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
