i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
