He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
