I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
