So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
