Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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