Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
