So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
