I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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