I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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