I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
