i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
