Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize