haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
