Just cropdusted the office
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
