Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
