I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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