mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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