Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
