Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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