I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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