woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
