Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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