they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
