So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We left the knife in your bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
