so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was like eating out sand paper
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
