I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
