Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
