You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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