I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
