it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
