Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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