Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
