why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
ttyl tear gas
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize