I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
