I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
