this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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