On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
