Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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