My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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