If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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