I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
