you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
