You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
