I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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